The wound of humiliation, according to experts like Lise Bourbeau, forms in the early years of life and leaves deep marks on self-esteem. This emotional pattern typically manifests through feelings of shame, guilt, and self-sacrificing behaviors.
Humiliation: The Third Great Wound
The wound of humiliation often goes unnoticed in daily life, but its effects are profound and can influence how a person views themselves and relates to others.
This emotional scar arises when, in childhood, one experiences constant shame or devaluation by close figures, such as parents or caregivers.
While some children manage to assimilate these experiences without long-term consequences, others develop survival strategies that end up becoming recurring patterns. Therefore, it is essential to explore the origin of this wound to understand its manifestations and the possible paths to healing.
Origin of the Wound of Humiliation
Humiliation, according to author Lise Bourbeau in her book The Five Wounds That Prevent Us from Being Ourselves**, appears between the first and third year of life.**
During this stage, the child begins to become aware of their body and physiological needs. Meanwhile, if they perceive excessive criticism, ridicule about their appearance or behavior, and feel watched with disapproval, the wound starts to form.
Additionally, excessive control by parents can foster this sense of shame.
When a child concludes that their freedom is highly limited or deduces that there is something “wrong” with their needs, they may interpret adult supervision as rejection. Similarly, if they experience that their parents feel ashamed of them, or they themselves feel ashamed of their parents, this inner mark solidifies, which is frequently masked by masochistic behaviors, self-punishment, or conduct aimed at avoiding pain at all costs.
Manifestations and Consequences of Humiliation
The main trait that defines those who suffer from the wound of humiliation is the tendency towards shame.
These individuals often feel guilty for needs that are entirely natural, such as their own sexuality or way of expressing themselves. Often, the body reflects this internal conflict through weight gain, flaccidity, or excessive fat accumulation, which acts as a sort of protective armor.
On the other hand, some people develop a tyrannical or controlling character, using humiliation towards others as an unconscious shield.
When this happens, the wound intensifies because the same pattern experienced in childhood is reproduced in others. However, many seek to nullify their need for recognition by fully dedicating themselves to caring for and satisfying others’ desires. In this way, they take on more responsibilities than necessary, believing that this will earn them personal worth.
Moreover, emotional dependency becomes a frequent consequence. Those suffering from this self-esteem disorder tend to subordinate or hide their needs to avoid feeling exposed or ashamed. This pattern, however, can lead to physical health problems, such as back pain, breathing difficulties, or throat conditions, aggravated by the constant emotional tension generated by unresolved humiliation.
How to Begin Healing
Initially, it is vital to recognize the mask that has been used to cover up shame.
According to Bourbeau, the recognition phase involves realizing that certain behaviors, such as self-censorship or overprotecting others, arise from the fear of being shamed again.
Subsequently, a period of denial ensues in which the Ego may rebel, justify itself, or seek explanations to perpetuate known behaviors. Even so, when one takes responsibility for their own wound, they understand that they were humiliated and that, at the same time, they possess the ability to humiliate others inadvertently if they act from resentment or lack of awareness.
This acceptance, as uncomfortable as it may seem, opens the doors to releasing emotional burdens.
Ultimately, it is crucial to create a path back to oneself. This involves rediscovering those personal facets that were hidden out of fear of external judgment. It is possible to rely on psychological therapies or holistic approaches that encourage self-reflection and provide strategies for emotional empowerment. The goal is to build a solid self-esteem capable of withstanding criticism and, above all, reinterpreting past experiences.
The Value of Accepting and Forgiving
Overcoming the wound of humiliation requires a triple acceptance: acknowledging that we were shamed, understanding that we are ashamed of ourselves, and admitting that we can also shame others in certain contexts. Therefore, the forgiveness process focuses more on ourselves than on those we consider responsible for the wound.
However, if communication with the initial parents or caregivers remains open, a sincere exchange can provide a different perspective: often, they were also facing their own wounds and were unaware of the impact of their words or actions. By sharing stories and perceptions, empathy is fostered, a key ingredient in dissolving guilt and breaking inherited humiliation patterns.
Meanwhile, acceptance does not mean justifying others’ actions or denying the pain they caused. Acceptance involves embracing the experience, benefiting from it from a more conscious stance, and moving toward a healthy relationship with oneself without perpetuating self-censorship or self-sabotage.
Humiliation is one of the most complex soul wounds to recognize because it disguises itself as personal protection or sacrifice for others. Although the effects of this wound are profound, the possibility of healing is always within reach. To achieve it, it is essential to recognize our behaviors, navigate shame with courage, and allow ourselves to transform what made us feel less valuable.
Most Common Soul Wounds
Not everyone goes through the five emotional wounds. However, humility and sincerity are essential to recognize which ones have left a mark on our personal history. Admitting them honestly is often the first step toward the healing process.
If it is difficult to identify these wounds, it might be because we hide behind a “mask” designed to avoid facing and experiencing that pain.
