Jeff Haden, a journalist, lists some of the behaviors that people who are liked tend to have in common. In Billy Wilder’s 1959 film Some Like It Hot, Marilyn Monroe sang, “I want to be loved by you,” and…
Qualities are shared by people who are always liked
Thus, she reflected a desire shared by most people: the desire to be recognized, revered and, why not, loved.
While we should never use our likeability as a means to an end, rather than as a means to an end, it not only helps us feel fulfilled but also enhances our connections and career.
Learning to be liked
Ever since Dale Carnegie published his famous book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” (Ellipse), which has been a classic since its publication in the 1930s, learning how to be liked by others has become a major obsession in self-help and self-improvement literature.
It is one of the characteristics that counselors often emphasize most in their speeches and many books have been written on the subject.
Even science has pondered what distinguishes people who are liked by others, although it has usually drawn rather simplistic conclusions based on appearance:
- Do attractive people go down better?
- What about people who don’t discuss their weight?
- Are gay African-American people more attractive?
These are some of the concepts that extremely desirable people have in common.
What do people who are liked do?
They pay attention
The most crucial quality is also the one that is gradually declining in incidence due to today’s pervasive disease, attention deficit disorder. Nothing makes us more attractive than showing a sincere interest in what the other person has to say.
Even so, it may be enough to smile, refrain from taking your cell phone out of your pocket every five minutes, or show interest in what the other person is saying during the conversation. Some psychologists have even determined that we should spend 30% of the conversation time talking to another person.
They apologize when they don’t have to
The more arrogant will dismiss this trait as silly, but the truth is that a Harvard University study found that making an excuse when there is none is one of the behaviors that help us look better to others.
The study’s lead author, Alison Wood Brooks, points out that “superfluous apologies” help “the victim” feel that the offender has been put in his or her place and is considerate of his or her feelings.
The phrase “I’m sorry the weather is so awful, could I borrow your cell phone?” was used for that reason, passed better than others who merely asked to borrow the phone.
Masters of Social Jiu-Jitsu
Haden refers to the ability of some people to extract a considerable amount of information from the interlocutor without revealing any personal details with this fancy name, which translates to the “art of smoothness.”
Even if you’ve only known each other for ten minutes, the goal is to ask the right questions, answer in the right way and show an open mind that encourages the other person to reveal some of his or her most private insights.
Do not maintain a pose of power
According to the laws of elegance, if we want to give the impression of being powerful, we should stand tall, with our heads held high and a half smile on our faces. In contrast, the kind of person to whom you would want to hand over control of your life does it in an entirely different way.
Haden cites Nelson Mandela as an example of how one gesture can make a difference. By smiling and leaning forward slightly as he approaches his interlocutor (in this case, Bill Clinton), Mandela is conveying the message that “I am the one who has the honor of meeting you.”
Ask for nothing
Some people believe that all human interactions are motivated by shared interests, while others take this statement at face value.
As soon as we realize that someone is trying to sell us something, establish a good connection for the future, or put us in touch with a relative who needs a cable, all previous sympathy that person may have shown can sometimes crumble.
Because they respect and care about others rather than using them as tools to achieve their goals, those who are loved often experience good fortune. In time, they will realize the benefits of their actions.
Don’t criticize
Some people believe that talking down to others is the only thing that can bring people together.
Moreover, while some individuals may enjoy such behavior, others are aware that it may not be the best strategy for building friendships and worry that if it becomes widespread, they too will fall victim to it.
If you have nothing positive to say, keep your mouth shut. Silence is golden.
Don’t complain
Dale Carnegie’s Decalogue is one of the most overlooked, as he warned that complaining all the time makes us undesirable people.
According to the American businessman, since everyone can criticize, complain and condemn others, that is what most people do. Understanding and forgiveness require a lot of personality and self-control.
Let others be better than they are
We like to brag about our talents to others, but this rarely serves any purpose other than to boost our ego and make us feel better about ourselves.
Everyone has their strengths, so the best approach to winning someone over is to compliment them on them or even point out the areas in which they excel over us. You’ll win their affection.
Know how to say goodbye
Standard parting phrases (“it’s been a pleasure”) don’t usually leave a good impression, as Haden argues in her article. Instead, to show that we care about the other person, we need to be enthusiastic and focus on a specific component of our conversation.
In other words, “I loved talking to you about the film,” “I hope your next project goes well,” or “I hope we meet again to continue this topic.”
With information from El Confidencial
