This is a wonderful interview that beautifully captures Bert Hellinger’s philosophy that when we take away the mother, we are taking away all the life.
Happiness starts early, with the mother
Hellinger has delved rigorously into the field of knowledge, which has allowed him to develop a novel philosophy and a new and forceful perspective on all facets of life. A new perspective on success, pleasure and love is one of them.
He became known as one of the most influential therapists in the modern psychotherapeutic community thanks to his solution-focused approach to creating Family Constellations.
How do we create a path to happiness or find happiness?
The mother is the first person to whom happiness is given and happiness is maintained throughout the relationship with her.
When we lose contact with our mothers and, to a lesser extent, our fathers, the route to happiness is interrupted. You can see how I do this occasionally when I watch TV. My wife notices performers or talking heads and wonders:
What is this one’s relationship with his mother?
The person who is connected to his or her mother glows exudes joy and is immediately noticed by others. On the other hand, when someone comes to me and says he is unhappy, I ask him about his mother and his relationship with her.
I can make this person approach his mother with respect because I already feel his mother’s presence in my heart. Then, all of a sudden, he starts to shine and radiate as his mother does. This is a path to joy.
Is it possible to mend the relationship with the mother?
It is a conflicted relationship for many. Conflict is essential.
Because we have higher expectations of the mother than is reasonable for a human being, many relationships with her are hindered. If our fathers and mother were blameless, we could not exist and would not have the strength to do so.
Our parents made mistakes and yet we are still here today. We adore our parents for who they are, just as they are and as a result, we are content. This is how real life presents itself to us.
I wonder if our parents can be forgiven for anything they do, even the things that hurt us. A young person who forgives and at the same time accuses his parents is elevating himself above them and endangering the pleasure and good fortune of both the child and the parents.
Everything that happens, as soon as I can accept it, say yes and leave it as it was, become a strength; however, as soon as I reject it or forgive it, I weaken myself, believing myself superior to them and also making myself small.
Doesn’t accepting mean that you put yourself last in a circumstance?
I am not accepting it; I am responding positively.
If I were to respond negatively, I would be passive; however, when I respond positively, something changes and when I respond negatively, nothing changes. It’s a significant distinction. What would happen to my mother for me if she started to glow as a result of the kind of relationship I have with my mother?
Of course, it’s also joyful; in particular, when a mother’s heart opens and her love can pour out to you, both of you will be joyful. Once, a man informed me that his mother hated him when he was a child and lived near where this course was, so I advised him to go and see her.
He came back the next day, beaming and I asked, “But what have you done?” So I went and said to my mother, who was also beaming, “I am delighted that you gave birth to me.” Being happy is very simple.
So how can we be prepared to be excellent mothers or the kind of mothers we want our children to see?
Quite simply: adore one’s mother. Now it also shines…
Since we are only talking about the female role, I wanted to ask about the place of the father before I finish my post. Is the father rewarded, does he play a pivotal role, or is it just the result of the mother taking the position that is required of her?
Indeed, the father occupies second place.
But in today’s society, fathers are often ostracized and the mother feels sad when the father of her child is excluded.
Since males are different from females, we must love them for what they are-different-in order for the mother to be happy. This is not always an easy task.
Children also need their fathers, since having a father is essential for their happiness. So happy children are those that the mother looks at and through whom she loves the father; the father looks at the children and loves the mother through them. Children of this type are happy.
Excerpt from interview with Bert Hellinger
